Cursed Critters: Bullet Heaven

You are a cat in a chef's hat, alone in a kitchen at night, and the potatoes have grown legs.

Cursed Critters is a bullet heaven: a survival roguelike where you never press attack. You move your thumb, your weapons fire on their own, and a horde of very wrong creatures closes in. Ten minutes. Then the kitchen itself comes for you.

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TWELVE CRITTERS, TWELVE WORLDS
A cat in a chef's hat. A featherless chicken man. A plastic soldier, a cymbal monkey, a crowned ant, a turtle who has clearly been through something. Each critter drags its own world, its own bestiary and its own rule:

- Old Detroit's shield turns every hit he eats into a free volley from every weapon.
- Big Mama Red never attacks. Her workers copy your guns for her.
- Johnny Voltage arcs lightning off everything, and armor does nothing for him.
- One-Way Ray converts speed into fire rate. Stand still for two seconds and he wilts.

Twelve critters, twelve ways to break the game.

SIXTY MONSTERS THAT SHOULD NOT EXIST
Every enemy is half object, half animal. A boning knife sprinting on four steel skewers. A heat lamp walking on bird legs with one red bulb for an eye. An industrial dough mixer charging you, overflowing down its own sides. And at ten minutes, the thing at the end: a colossal cast-iron range, six blue burners in a row for eyes, oven door hanging open.

BUILDS THAT GET OUT OF HAND
Twelve weapons, fourteen passives, thirty-six evolutions hidden in the combinations. Take a weapon to its last level while carrying the passive it secretly wants, and it stops being a weapon: acid becomes a swamp, a boomerang becomes twin blades, a fried egg becomes a downpour of them. Four weapons and four passives per run, and no way to take everything. Pick badly and the horde has you by 7:00.

WHAT YOU KEEP
Gold outlives you. Spend it in the Pantry on permanent upgrades, unlock the nine locked critters, open the daily chest. Win once and Creative Mode opens: no clock, no danger, every weapon and every evolution on tap, so you can finally test the build you have been thinking about all day.

BUILT FOR A PHONE, NOT A PORT OF ONE

- One thumb, anywhere on the screen. Portrait. One hand on the train.
- A run is ten minutes long and pauses in the middle of a horde.
- No account, no login, no energy bar, no timer counting down while you are away.
- Plays with no signal.
- Ads are opt-in only: a second chance, double gold at the end of a run, a bigger daily chest. You choose them from a menu. They never interrupt a run.

Free, and finishable for free. Everything you can unlock, you can unlock by playing.


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