DBT Relationship Tools

Fantastic Tools for Interpersonal Relationships!

DBT Communication skills boil down to two things: Asking for what you want, and saying No.

You may have trouble asking for what you want for one of the following reasons:
- You're too shy to ask.
- You are worried they will say no.
- You don't feel like you deserve getting what you want.
- You just feel uncomfortable.
- Maybe you don't have trouble asking, but you have trouble actually getting what you want instead.

You also may have trouble saying no. It could be due to:
- You think it's not polite to say no.
- You're worried what someone will think of you if you say no.
- You think you don't deserve to say no.
- You think you can't say no.
- Or maybe you don't have trouble saying no, but you have trouble saying it in a way that doesn't cause problems.

We all have things we want. If you have trouble communicating this in an effective way (a way that doesn't make things worse and increases the likelihood of you getting what you want), then this app is for you.

How this app will help you
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Like all our 'Tools' apps, we'll start you off with a description of what DBT is. While DBT is a set of skills, there is also a sort of culture around it. And a way of teaching/learning it. Getting an overview of what DBT is, you can more easily see where the skills fit in, and where you can most effectively integrate them into your day-to-day.

Then we'll go over the 7 DBT Interpersonal Communication skills:
• Wise Mind
• Observe
• Describe
• Participate
• Non-Judgmental
• One-Mindfully
• Effectiveness

Finally, we'll start you off using the Interactive Tools:

• Interpersonal Checklist: First, lets start by figuring out what myths you have about your relationships with others. As you progress through DBT, be sure to come back and see how your beliefs may have changed.

• Validation Quiz: Test yourself through several hypothetical situations. What is the difference between validation and flattery for instance? Knowing this can greatly improve any interaction, as validating another human being can be incredibly powerful.

• DEARMAN Builder: Probably the single most powerful skill you will learn in the Interpersonal Relationship area of DBT. Use this tool to quickly and effectively create and rehearse DEARMAN scripts. Don't know what a DEARMAN is? Well, think of it as a rather methodical set of steps to getting what you want out of a conversation with someone. Want a raise? DEARMAN. Want to ask someone out? DEARMAN. Want to reconcile after a fight? DEARMAN.

• Intensity Calculator: Until you really get a feel for how you realistically stand in regard to others, you may be drastically off when it comes the intensity you ask for what you want, or say no. For instance, if you're an employee, and you normally get a yearly raise, and it's been 13 months, then you wouldn't want to scream at your boss. But if it's been 3 years, you definitely would want to increase your intensity over the 13 month you. Use this calculator to figure out how intensely you should communicate something to another. Especially during emotionally charged situations, your natural instinct may be way off. So you may find yourself using this calculator time and time again.

Many of these tools are powerful while you're first learning DBT. But they are also incredibly powerful as a refresher, whether it's been several years since you last practiced, or you just can't remember how to do the skill properly. Maybe you're overwhelmed, or maybe you're just new to the skill. Beginners and Advanced DBT practitioners will find value in this app now, and for years to come should they remember to use it.

* Note that this app can integrate with the Health App by adding 'Mindful Minutes' when you complete DEARMAN entries. This is optional and giving permission will not affect your ability to use this app.