Insultation

The perfect reply usually arrives on the stairs, half an hour late. Insultation has it ready in about three seconds.

Four kinds of line, written fresh each time:

Insults — short, sharp, and the right side of mean. For when "what a lovely person" won't do.
Quotes — wry observations about people, work and getting older.
Birthdays — one-liners for the people you love enough to roast.
Excuses — for getting out of things you don't want to be at, in a way nobody can really argue with.

NEW: ASK SIRI

"Hey Siri, insult me." Or ask for an excuse, a quote, or a birthday jab. Siri reads the line out and puts it on a card, without you opening anything — which is the point, because the moment you need one of these is rarely a moment you can look at a screen. It works from the Action Button and in Shortcuts.

READ IT OUT, OR SEND IT

Tap once for a new line, tap the speaker to have it read aloud, or share it straight into a message.

WRITTEN ON YOUR DEVICE

On iPhones with Apple Intelligence every line is written fresh, on the device, each time you ask. Where that isn't available the app falls back to four hundred hand-written lines that ship inside it, so it works the same on a plane, in a pub with no signal, or on an older phone.

A daily notification is optional — one line a day, composed on your device.

NOTHING LEAVES YOUR PHONE

No accounts. No tracking. No data collection. No subscriptions. No ads. The privacy nutrition label says "Data Not Collected", and the app has nothing to send anywhere even if it wanted to.

Made by Indy.inc in the United Kingdom.