Silly Con Valley

The startup simulator that doesn't take tech companies seriously.

You're a founder with a dream, a laptop, and extremely questionable judgment. Build your company from a garage to an IPO — managing your team, launching products, raising venture capital, and surviving the chaos of the tech world.

The catch? So is everyone else.

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PICK YOUR CEO ARCHETYPE
21 playable CEO archetypes across 5 prestige tiers, each with real (and ridiculous) gameplay effects:

The Visionary ships products with wild hype multipliers, but drains team morale. The Engineer builds quality no competitor can match, but sucks at marketing. The Phantom plays in stealth — rivals can't touch you, but you can't build hype. The Cult Leader's team never quits, but VCs don't trust you. The Speedrunner has 26 weeks before the clock runs out, but valuation grows at double speed.

Play as The Nepobaby to start with parent-funded capital, pivot like a pro with The Pivot King, or let the algorithms decide with The Chaos Agent. Your archetype isn't just a title. It changes how you play.

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TWO HIGH-STAKES GAME MODES
— Classic Road to IPO: The ultimate marathon. Hire specialists, manage burn rates, dodge hostile takeovers, and battle VCs to lead your company to a multi-billion dollar public offering.
— Tactical Seed Sprint: A high-speed, 15-week race to secure a VC seed round. Reach the valuation gate, launch your MVP, hire key specialists, and prove credibility before time runs out.

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BUILD YOUR STARTUP EMPIRE ON A RETRO DESKTOP
Silly Con Valley runs inside a retro desktop environment. Launch apps from the icon grid:
— Market Browser: Spy on your competitors and plot hostile takeovers.
— Twatter: Share mockups of your milestones and flex your verification badge.
— LlamaAmp: Fire up the retro media player and listen to chiptunes while you build.
— Forecast: Dive into multi-cycle insights, directory logs, and market trends.
— Security Feed: Watch your office on the camera feed to see if your team is working.
— Terminal: This might give you surprises like the good old days.

System Preferences lets you personalize your desktop with premium wallpaper styles and custom windows.

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COMPETE GLOBALLY
Two Game Center leaderboards are live:
— All-Time Score (composite formula with prestige and speed bonuses)
— Peak Valuation (the classic flex)

14 achievements. 5 of them hidden. The startup world has secrets.

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PRESTIGE MODE — FOR FOUNDERS WHO NEVER STOP
Finish a run and unlock prestige. Each prestige tier makes competitors smarter, faster, and meaner. Can you climb from a humble Garage Founder to an industry Legend?

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EXPANSIONS & SUBSCRIPTIONS
— Series A Premium Unlock: Unlock the Founder's Journal (lifetime career stats, Hall of Fame, full financial history), the Golden Window Frame, premium wallpapers, and ad-free play.
— Nordic Tech Pack: Take your startup to Helsinki! Unlock Finnish CTOs (like Pen Guin and Salmon Snake), Hype Officers (like Pete Vesterbird), Nordic VCs (like FOMO Capital), and exclusive pitch cards like Sauna Diplomacy and Winter Is Coming.

Premium and expansion unlocks are one-time payments charged to your Apple ID.

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No real money is required to play. No pay-to-win mechanics. The premium unlocks are cosmetic, expansion-focused, and stat-tracking only — the game is fully playable without them.